The first time I gave a blow job I was 17. I realised I needed to learn how to do it because this British guy that I was in love with was coming to California basically to fuck me and see some friends and was under the impression I had already done it before. So I reached out to this older guy I knew who wanted to hook up with me. I essentially asked him if he could teach me a couple things. I got to his house and I was so nervous. I think we actually watched and finished an entire movie before we even started making out. Then he went down on me. I remember thinking how I had wanted it for so long and now it was happening on a couch and my pussy was being licked and I felt like I was in my own porn scene. Then he wanted me to suck his dick. I don't even think I had really seen a dick before this. I remember I thought it was kinda ugly and scary. I did not know what to do with it.
In seventh grade I remember hearing that some girls were giving eighth graders blow jobs. I didn't think they were slutty or bad, I was more curious as to how they got to do it and I didn't. I also thought "blow job" meant they were actually blowing air on to eighth graders dicks.
Now was my time. 17, with a dick finally in hand. I must have been doing it all wrong because it took ages and he eventually moved me into the 69 position, maybe to turn himself on by licking me at the same time or something. I think this is why I love 69'ing so much. Lots of my friends and people I talk to tell me they haven't tried it, meanwhile I got switched up into it my first sexual encounter ever.
Eventually he came, and I went home. One of my Christian friends told me I wasn't a virgin anymore because I had a penis in one of my holes. A different friend had just given a blow job the day before as well, and we talked about how sore our jaws were. The guy from London arrived a couple weeks later and we hooked up in the back of my car parked at the Santa Monica pier. I was 17, he was 19. I was tan with freckles and he had this beautiful pale skin only ever touched by rain and late night pubs. I was wearing a lace thong with little hearts on it. He licked me way differently then the other guy, this time I really felt something. I enjoyed what was happening. Then I gave him head. He later told me it was the best blow job he ever got, I even "knew what to do with the balls."
Many awkward good bad scary fun blow jobs later, and I finally mostly know what I'm doing (because I think there's always room to grow), and I'm going to share with you what I've learned.
I am NOT doing this because I think we should talk about blow jobs more (blow job awareness? that's life,) or because I think men need any more attention drawn to their dicks.
I am writing about blow jobs because to me sex is all about pleasure. Pierre can pleasure my pussy like there is no tomorrow. He wants me to see stars when he plays with me. And it is because of Pierre and the respect I have for him in and out of the bedroom, that I fell in love with the blowjob, and realised how fun it can be to give head.
I never really liked blowjobs, like at all. I think the penis to me was always kind of something I just wanted stuck inside me and then ooh, I felt cool because I was having sex. Perhaps with a couple partners here and there I actually enjoyed going down on them, but with the others it was a pre-sex chore. One boyfriend I had forced me to go down on him every single time before we had sex. And he would push my head down like we were fucking porn stars until I choked. And in seven months of dating he only went down on me three times. I would never settle for this again.
But with Pierre it was different. I was scared to give him head because the sex was so good, and he was so incredible at pleasuring me I didn't want to disappoint him. I also kinda fell in love with his penis. I trust it, I think it's beautiful. It doesn't scare me, I don't think it's bizarre. I want to look at it and touch it and hold it and suck it.
So here's what I've learned from Pierre and his beautiful French dick:
1. It's okay to initiate touching the man when he's not hard. A lot of women due to social conditioning and patriarchy and slut-shaming think that they have to be passive during sex, or that they can't initiate the sexual activity. I think for me for a long time I felt it was a rejection if I touched the guy and he wasn't hard. But that's the same as if they just randomly grabbed our pussy and it was already wet. Sometimes this is the case because of foreplay or fooling around. But say you want to really surprise him in bed, in the car, in a museum. And you just grab it and it's soft. Embrace that. Make him feel perfect for it.
2. Start touching it. Softly, feeling all the edges and ridges. Use your fingers really lightly, run them along him. Play with his balls if that is something he likes. Learn about his penis.
3. Ask him questions. Spend time down there, stroke him in different ways. Have him show you what he likes. If he's a man he's been masturbating for a long ass time (like women should if they want) and he knows what he likes and what gets him off. Pierre has such a sensitive spot that if I just kind of stroke it for long enough he will come. I didn't even learn about this spot until like 6 months in.
4. Enjoy it, have fun with it. Use your hand, use your mouth. Only hand, then only mouth, then both. Play with it because you want to, get lost in that moment.
5. Go really fast and then stop. Start again. Go into different positions. Pierre loves when I sit on top and kind of hump him and give him a hand job at the same time. He also likes straddling me and me rubbing him that way.
6. When they are about to come, some men tell you, some men get really quiet. With Pierre I can tell, because of his breathing. I love making him come, I feel so good making him happy.
Random blow job hacks:
Swallowing: Don't fucking do this if you don't want to. If you want to, fucking do it. I do it with Pierre sometimes when I feel like it, and I enjoy it so much. I get to taste him like he always tastes me.
Road head: This is a personal favourite. Although I feel I should note that it is dangerous. But this is what turns me on so much?
Morning head: Who ever said you have to wake up with an alarm? I learned this move from Pierre, who woke me up by licking me one day, but it works just as well on men!
Balls: Some men really enjoy you playing with the balls. This can include just tickling them, kissing them, sucking them, grabbing them, or touching the patch of skin just below them. Also, if you want to make them come faster this added sensation can really help! Kind of like when they rub our clit while they finger us.
Touching everywhere: Start with the chest. Touch their shoulders. Kiss them down their body. Kiss around their penis. Breath over it but don't touch it. Touch the thighs. Get really close but don't touch it.
I was able to get to this point with blowjobs because Pierre is someone I deeply care about. I don't think it would be the same with a one night stand because I wouldn't know that person's body like I know Pierre's. But that doesn't mean that pleasure isn't something that feels so good to give if you are with a consenting partner and you are both into it. It's like how giving gifts can sometimes feel better than getting them. Sometimes, when I give Pierre head, I feel like I am coming too, like I am really about to orgasm, and I get so wet. It is this crazy, inter-connected feeling, like his pleasure is mine too.
I love to kiss him in the morning and then just slowly move down between the sheets and suck him. I have learned the element of surprise is often well appreciated.
All of this said, every man is different. Most of my experience with penis is European and uncircumcised. All men like different things just like we do. And if you are gonna go away from this and give amazing head, I only hope you are also receiving amazing head, because everyone deserves amazing head. I was inspired to give Pierre passionate head because he does it for me.
And that's the thing about men. They really want to come. And that's what we can learn from them. We feel bad if they don't come, but we don't normally make them feel bad if we don't come. And a lot of women don't come. And if you're one of them, don't be hard on yourself, I am soon going to write something on this. For the time being, refer to my piece "The First Time I Came." We should demand what men demand. We deserve just the same.
Every time I give head I learn something new. He tells me to try something different, and that tells me that I can also give him instructions when he is down on me. It is such a learning kind of thing. He is always asking me if I like it this way or that way. And that's perfect, because you want it to get better and better. If you reached perfection and couldn't go up from there the sex would get boring. Make mistakes, be silly, tickle his balls, and enjoy yourself. Because fuck, there is no greater gift than the gift of GOOD head.