This post is 100% inspired by Kathy Acker and her book Kathy Goes to Haiti. It is also most definitely inspired by Pierre sketching my pussy last night after we ate a bunch of pasta and right before we watched all of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
I love the way you fuck me I like the word fuck I like that I like sex that I know what is good and what is bad, I like how you treasure my body it's like everyone I fucked before you was just practice I can't really say it's making love because I can't wrap my head around love and I can't wrap you around love my Swedish friend Ella told me she would never make someone her boyfriend if she didn't love him but in America we go date boyfriend love and that never made much sense to me and I like the concept of loving first it seems so genuine. I've had a non-boyfriend now for longer than I've ever had a boyfriend boyfriend and sometimes it drives me fucking MAD because I'm like why doesn't he want to see me everyday and call me his girlfriend but as soon as I see him more than twice a week our meetings are a bit less exciting and I think the whole reason I haven't left is because I am not his "girlfriend" but we are more exclusive than I've ever been before in that I trust him not because he's "mine" but because he treasures me without a label or social requirement so en réalité he is a big fucking mirror for me because I'm the one who's scared and wants my singleness and he feeds that to me plus a bowl of pasta
He drew my pussy the other evening I laid there on his bed legs spread with his favorite blanket over my chest and stomach I felt so vulnerable and I felt so comfortable he loved it so much he said he never drew a pussy before and mine was so sexy and so perfect and he said he wanted to lick me so bad he didn't know why he wasn't already or what he was waiting for but I do it's because in this moment we were sexual beings existing outside of our sexuality we were like what adam and eve must have felt being naked without being "naked" as it's defined today so he wanted to lick me but it wasn't time it wasn't time for sex it was time for sketching I was opening my legs to show a part of my body that's been so goddamn hidden judged objectified shamed capitalized assaulted mistreated by society and I was putting it on display, unapologetically, not even self consciously and no sex was happening I was just laying there as he would look up at my pussy then look back down at his paper and I couldn't even really picture what he was picturing but I could see his beautiful arm sketching my beautiful pussy and I didn't feel anything but content I wasn't even really horny but I was happy and I was free and I was safe and I was a human and not a sex object as my very "sex object" was making itself known It's really interesting to have someone just stare at your vulvaaaaaa the part of our body half of us women haven't even looked at or are even scared of all pussies are different and we need to start looking at them touching them playing with them sitting without our legs crossed because when we do we shut them up and they take up no space let your pussy breathe, princess fuck that queen
I am at this point where there is no point in a one night stand I am only 21 but I have been through several sex stages the first one was love and bad sex for seven months of course I didn't know it was bad sex then and I had absolutely rien to compare it to so I don't blame him and I don't blame me and en fait it was probably what it was meant to be at the time after that I had one night stands yes in this phase I hurt a lot of people there is this idea that guys just want sex and are always fucking girls over but there was a time I just wanted sex and was fucking a lot of guys over and though I don't regret it at all I did hurt people and that never feels good and they were one night stands and could only go so far in goodness
I remember one night my ex called me and blamed me for everything that had ever happened in the relationship and I had a panic attack and felt empty inside and I was walking back to my cabin because I was working at a summer camp at the time and I ran into one of the guys I had slept with and he was so mad at me he said he knew I was fucking other guys and that I am kind of a slut and I deserved whatever my ex told me on the phone I went back to my cabin and moved my mattress on the floor and went straight to bed letting all my problems and exes and the word slut fall through the wooden cracks onto mother Earth and deep into the ground to be separated from me and grown into trees and lost in the forest forever never let men tell you how much you're worth most of the time they don't know shit
I've had other boyfriends I've done circumcised uncircumcised american british british british american mexican american welsh british french british french american el salvadorian columbian french ages 18-30 and a couple of those were really beautiful and taught me A LOT and I am thankful for about 90% of them but nothing is like right now with Pierre my body to him is a work of art he never objectifies me I never have sex with him because I feel like I have to or because "he's horny and wants to fuck" it is so mutual and so lovely and so hot and so wet and we've done it all over france and he loves my curvy legs and my nose and my tits and my pussy and my ass and my waist
fucking is the coolest thing we have and I feel sometimes we are doing it all wrong
it is meant to be good it is meant to make us see fucking stars and we confuse sex and love and we conflate them and we feel we need them well you can find love and have sex with yourself so once you discover that you are quite powerful because you don't really need anyone
I just want to talk about sex and educate about sex because it is so damn SAD to me that our women are still raped and no one believes them that men feel they can't speak out about sexual assault that all of these celebrities and singers are discovered to be sexual abusers and no one cares chris brown kevin spacey harvey weinstein ed westwick woody allen r kelly sean penn XXXtentacion and more more more all the time kids are sold into sex slavery porn is turning people more and more violent women are becoming more and more objectified
we have taken this thing called sex and and put it into two categories: taboo and objectified and I fully intend to talk about sex have sex enjoy sex as long as it's what I want and I hope I inspire other women and men and all genders to do the same, look at your body touch yourself find out what YOU like because what is fucking if you're not enjoying it - not fucking