This is a bit on why porn is RUINING your sex life. Listen up folks because I am about to shit all over your internet viewing pleasure. In my last piece "BAD SEX" I touched on the different categories of a popular porn site; There's a reason I did that. Obviously opinions will differ with mine, but that is why this is a personal blog, not a medical journal, not a news site. I am not pretending to be anything but a 21 year old girl with an almost completed undergraduate education in human sexuality and a lot of personal experience.
In my humble opinion, porn IS NOT sexually liberating, it is sexually debilitating and you deserve better. Hardcore, softcore, porn is porn and it's BULLSHIT. Porn is objectifying and misogynistic and (yes ladies and gentlemen) leads to BAD SEX for both you and your partner. What you're being turned on by when you watch porn is this: seeing, I'm gonna say girls, because that's what they dress them up to be, you "shouldn't" see getting naked or touching themselves, getting naked and touching themselves. Or "getting fucked" or "gang raped" or "double penetrated," oh there are so many options! You see so many tight pussies, that women simply become pussy to you. There almost isn't a difference anymore between woman and pussy. It is this slow and très dangereux mentality that gets into your head- that women exist purely for your sexual pleasure, and your sexual pleasure is the most important, and women are simply the providers. So when you get in bed with an actual naked, wet, beautiful woman, her pussy isn't going to do it for you as much as it should. You may not even be able to perform, because all your hard-ons and sperm have been wasted on internet girls that aren't going to fuck you in real life. The beautiful wet woman you have in your bed, will not be impressed.
I was sleeping with this guy once, let's call him John. These facts may or may not be relevant, but he owned guns, was a Republican and watched a lot of porn. He was up there with some of the worst sex I've ever had. Although for most of the relationship, I wasn't aware of that. Silly girl. We would have, what I call, Porn Star Sex; Which actual porn stars refer to as sport-fucking, not real sex. At first I liked this. All the "you're my dirty little slut" "you want daddy to give you his big cock" "make that tight little pussy wet for me." I did all the "oh daddy your dick is so big" "fuck i'm so naughty" "punish me baby." Until one day I was laying there most literally getting fucked, and I realised I was saying all the right things, perking my ass up just enough, AND PLAYING THE ACT OF PORN STAR. Which is fine, in fact it can be so enjoyable, but this was different. This was routine. And any routine sex eventually gets boring.
I look up at him, mid-probably being called "little slut" or "whore" and I go, "Can we just, be silent?" And John goes, "No, I have watched too much porn, this is the only thing that will get me off." No lie kids, no lie. At least he was honest about it. But there are
so
many
things
wrong with that sentence. The main one being, porn was ruining his and my sex life. Because if I were to be quiet during sex and not play Porn Star, he wouldn't be able to come, which is sad for a 19 year old boy to have such strict coming limitations, those that mimic that of a 79 year old man's. Another thing wrong with that sentence, is that he was insinuating that the whole tiresome sexual act we were carrying out, served the sole purpose of making him orgasm.
Porn is one of the (too fucking many) outlets our society has created to please men's sexual appetites. (I think this would be fair, if we had an equal number of sexual outlets for women). It started with brothels, prostitution, and the scientific realisation women "didn't have to orgasm to conceive" and female orgasms just kind of
fell
off
the
table.
More (false) scientific realisations, like that the vagina was really an inverted penis, or that females are innately passive while males are innately active, that the g-spot doesn't really exist, oh and let's not forget female genital mutilation. Which is not a false scientific realisation but a whole other subject to be talked about in a later piece.
All of these fascinating inventions and discoveries happen upon us because we live in a culture that is TERRIFIED of a woman owning her sexuality, while simultanesouly TERRIFIED of a man's sexual desires not being fulfilled. Mais pourqoui?
Women can be naked, when it's for men.
Women can enjoy sex, when it's for men.
Women can even be slutty, when it's for men.
The women's body is just so easy to access. There is no secrecy or allure. It is everywhere. All over the internet. All over films, billboard, ads and tv. What makes me special? When there are tight pink pussies just like mine all over the internet.
I hate to tell you but the actual filming of a porn scene is actually not very hot at all. The male actor has to keep his erection for six plus hours while there are male cameramen and directors filming his penis, saying "stay hard! stay hard!" The girl normally has to bring all of her own clothing and make up to set because there is literally no money in the porn industry anymore. She will often get rips in her vagina, and the man will have to take 2 to 3 pills to stay hard. The whole set isn't closed until the man ejaculates. (just like in Bad Sex!) Talk about performance anxiety. And if he can't come, no one on set gets paid. No one.
The problem is, men watch porn, see these Porn Star girls screaming and moaning, and they think they can emulate those moves in the bedroom with non Porn Star girls. The problem is that porn is a usually cheap performance, not a valid sex education.
When men get horny they can just go online. When women get horny, they have never even been taught how to fulfil that sexual yearning. (electric toothbrush? jacuzzi jet?)
When men get horny, they can get a happy ending from a massage parlour. When women get horny, they aren't even really sure how to find their clit, or worse, they may not know they have one. And if they do venture into porn, it is not going to do much for them, as it is made for the heterosexual male viewer.
The problem is, women deserve pleasure JUST as much as men. And porn is a huge big WALL in the way of that.
For further reference and education on why porn is harmful to your healthy sex life, watch the film After Porn Ends by Bryce Wagoner or the Netflix series "Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On" by Rashida Jones.
I would also like to note that good female positive porn does exist. Check out the work of Erika Lust:
http://erikalust.com/films/
Or to learn how to pleasure yourself if you are a woman, or make women come in general OMGYES:
https://www.omgyes.com/en/
Also this article is not against porn stars AT ALL. It is focused on the negative affects of the porn industry on the healthy sexual lives of everyday people.